You know that sinking feeling? When you say something in the heat of the moment and feel immediate regret.
We all fall into the parent trap of saying things to our children we probably shouldn’t. It is part of learning to parent and navigate relationships. However, when speaking to our children, it's important that we remember they are not equal adults and therefore cannot handle adult language. When we speak to our children keep these tips in mind.
Remember to be kind. It's tough when we are feeling upset and frustrated. But if a parent is showing this emotion consistently, your child gets the wrong message which is… does my parent really like me? They associate themselves as the source of your frustration which will wreak havoc on their confidence and self-esteem. Of course, we love our kids! However, they won't know that unless we show them with kind, calm words.
As important as the things you say are, remember to consider your actions. You teach by example and whether we realize it or not, our children are always watching! When we speak to our kids, we teach them how to have a relationship and behave with others. Choose your words wisely and use a calm voice. A child will internalize everything a parent or loved adult says to them, right or wrong. When you are upset, tell your child you need a break first and then proceed. This example will teach your child how to handle conflict better than any words you say in the heat of the moment.
As a society, we label everything in our environment each day. Although this is common practice, please remove labels for your child. Do not call them names or label their potential. Your child will live up to your labels and expectations. Use positive statements such as 'I know you can do it', 'You are so creative,' or fun or inquisitive etc. Be careful not to body shame by saying they are too something or not enough of something. Kids, even young ones, understand when your statements are negative or positive. That's why it is critical to keep our statements positive. If you do say something and regret it, apologize! An apology teaches others you are human and not afraid to admit mistakes. By watching your example, your children will also learn how they should act when they say something they regret.
Create a safe space of open communication. Remember to keep in mind the age and maturity level of your kiddo, using words on their level. Be precise and set realistic goals. Always be honest, and don't fall into the habit of making empty threats to take things away you really won't. Kids need to know they can rely on you and trust the caring adults in their life!
Above all, NEVER withhold your child’s needs. Every child needs love, comfort, food, clothes and nurturing. These needs are non-negotiable and should never be withheld or earned. There are plenty of fun items that can be earned or taken away, if necessary, but never a child's needs.
As you consider these tips, don't stress! Change takes time but when you put in the effort, little by little and day by day, you'll see improvement. And remember, you are all part of the Sunshine Family! Reach out if you have any questions, we are always here for you.
