It’s the time of year that we all look forward to! Gathering with family and friends over a delicious feast, what could be better?
Thanksgiving is supposed to be a holiday that brings families together in the spirit of gratitude and love. However, for some families this isn’t the case. Families with special needs children, especially autism, may dread the gathering. Guests may not understand your child’s picky eating habits, or unwillingness to socialize and have silly conversations. Instead of laughter and thanksgiving what you really have is arguing, food refusal, tantrums and explosions!
Well-meaning family members give unsolicited advice and tell you if you just do “this” it will all be fixed. If this sounds like your life during the holiday season, then this article is for you. Here are tips to keep your gatherings as stress free as possible and still enjoying time with loved ones.
#1 Prepare in Advance
This step cannot be overlooked! To best support our kiddos with special needs, it's our responsibility to be prepared. Let your guests know what they can expect and what not to expect from your child. Having open communication with others will help when the day arrives, and boundaries are in place. Let family members know if they can help or if its best that they don’t interfere. Encourage everyone to be open minded and to follow your lead without judgement, you know your child best! Remember to prepare your neurodivergent family member as well. Rehearse the day with your kiddo and them know what will be happening and what is expected. Be creative! Preparing can be addressed with a story, game or a conversation. This step cannot be overlooked. Proper preparation is a must!
#2 Involve Everyone
Involve your family members in setting up. The house changes, decorations come out and different foods are presented. This is a lot for someone to take in who may not like change. Involve your kiddo in the process as much as you can. Let them help with decorating! Ask them to color a picture you can display. Let go of a 'perfect decorations expectation' and include your child.
#3 Feasting
Special occasions often present unfamiliar foods reserved for these large gatherings. This is part of the fun! Waiting all year to make Grandma's special apple pie or homemade dinner rolls. While many of us enjoy these special treats, our special needs kiddos may have a harder time with the unfamiliarity. Maybe all your kiddo will eat is mac n cheese. Have this to offer as well! Now isn’t the time to demand he or she eat new and unfamiliar foods. This has to be done in a calmer, less stimulating environment. Make sure there is a favorite food your kiddos are comfortable with so they can enjoy the holiday too.
#4 Safe Space
Set aside a quiet space ahead of time to decompress. Don’t wait until a tantrum or crisis occurs to look for a calming area. Plan this ahead of time and let your special needs child know where it is. Say something like… "this is where you can come when you get upset or feel overwhelmed." If you see your kiddo start to show signs of overstimulation, then you may need to remind him or her to go to the calming area. This can be any space that has been set up with some familiar items where your kiddo can go to destress and be alone if needed. You may also want to use this area for mini breaks throughout the day as well to prevent a behavior crisis. When your child feels safe, they will naturally act calmer. Staying calm is key. Remember, we teach our kids by example, and they feed off our energy. If we are stressed and overwhelmed, they will be too.
#5 Take Care of You
Last but certainly not least, make plans for you the caregiver as well! Once this busy day is over (or days) then make sure you schedule in some 'me' time. Often family members want to help they just don’t know how to. Ask for help! Let them know you need a few hours or an evening to go do something that you love. Doing this will help you recharge and prepare you for the next holiday around the corner, Christmas!
We hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoy this time to reflect on your blessings! As always, for more tips on how we can help with ABA Therapy please reach out.
