It's been long day.
You picked up your kiddo from school and stopped at the grocery store to grab a few things for dinner. As you are checking out, you notice the king size chocolate bar in their hands. Now, a moment of internal conflict. Do you take the candy knowing full well an explosive tantrum will ensue? Or do you let them have it in an effort to keep the peace?
We all have those moments when we realize our child is about to explode. A full on, screaming, arms flailing tantrum! Not only can it be frustrating and embarrassing, but you may even question your parenting abilities.
After the hurricane passes and peace has been restored, we are left wondering... what just happened? Was there more I could have done?
For Training Tip Tuesday, we decided to share 10 tips to help your child during crisis! Sometimes we can recognize signs that our kiddo is going to go into a tantrum. While each child is unique, the signs and behavior patterns are often consistent.
Ideally, we want to try to stop a tantrum before it begins. You can do this by noticing the behavior signs that signal a tantrum is coming, and then intervene. Redirecting to a different preferred topic, asking simple questions or changing the environment can break the tension before it escalates out of hand.
If this pre-intervention is not working or you don’t catch the tantrum in time, then the following tips will help you deescalate an already tense situation.
#1 Stay Calm
Easier said than done for sure! But this is not the time for you to lose it too. Stay calm and in control, taking deep breaths or even counting to yourself if necessary.
#2 Even Tone
Along with keeping your body language calm, be mindful of your tone of voice. Use a calm even tone. Avoid yelling or sounding overly stressed and anxious.
#3 Time and Place
There is a time and place for everything. Do not try to teach, lecture or negotiate with a screaming child. This is not the time for that, and it will only make you both more frustrated. When someone is screaming, no one is learning. Save the teaching for when you are both in the right frame of mind.
#4 Change Your Environment
If it's possible, move to a quiet, calm environment with less noise and distractions.
#5 We All Need Space
Sometimes we just need space to breathe and process our emotions alone, without the added stress of another person's input or emotions. Prioritizing your child's safety, allow them to have their space. Do not over crowd or hover.
#6 Be Clear and Concise
When speaking use clear, calm language. Ask questions such as, "Are you ready to talk to me?" or "Do you want a drink?" This will distract from the tantrum but will not give in to the demands that may have caused it in the first place. If the child says no or screams say "Alright, we will try again in a few minutes." Interject every few minutes as needed.
#7 Coping Strategies
If your child previously learned a coping strategy such as breathing, blowing pretend bubbles, or stretching then this is the time to redirect to this strategy. A caregiver can set the example and model the behavior we want to see the child use.
#8 Praise
Calmly praise their attempts to self-calm or self-regulate. Say statements such as "I see you are taking deep breaths, thank you." and "I see you are sitting nicely; I like that."
#9 Use a Visual
Sometimes just refocusing the child on a visual timer, favorite stuffed animal or sensory object may help your child redirect to a calm state.
#10 Refresh and Restart
Once the tantrum has passed and calm is returning, both the caregiver and child should take a drink of water and begin to relax. Taking a drink allows you to reset and move forward with a better focus.
For more information on how to handle post-tantrum, keep your eyes open for part 2 next week. You won't want to miss it!
As always, we are here for you and your family's individual needs. If you have any questions or concerns, definitely reach out! We are ready to help you.
